Listening is not about hearing words, it’s about hearing the person and the message. We think we hear or are heard but reaction says differently. Ultimately I can only control myself, but when I have effectively listened usually the other person, system steps up their effort to understand.
So how do I get there ?
I start with myself first.
I first get help feedback on my ability to hear. Even as a professional I must grasp my blind spots. We block, filter, use association, body language and history to receive information.
Second, I make communication easier for the other party.
By first removing my barriers I am much less likely interfere and or escalate the other person’s defenses. When I model good listening the other party will slow down, and reflect back my stle of communicating.