Listening is not about hearing words, it’s about hearing the person and the message.   We think we hear or are heard but reaction says differently.   Ultimately I can only control myself, but when I have effectively listened usually the other person, system steps up their effort to understand.

So how do I get there ?

I start with myself first.

I first get help feedback on my ability to hear.     Even as a professional I must grasp my blind spots.    We  block, filter, use association, body language and history to receive information.

Second,  I make communication easier for the other party.

By first removing my barriers I am much less likely interfere and or escalate the other person’s defenses.    When I model good listening the other party will slow down, and reflect back my stle of communicating.